hey

hey its me again not a hole lot to say to day I have a friend who is having some problems and I gave him some advice and I hope it will work out for him he has not been married as long as me and they are fighting me and the wife fight about things off and on but that's life marriage is work I know after 9 years and a bunch of kids its not easy I hope that they will listen and hear what each other has to say and work this out for the best luckily I have not been envovled in an thing like this with my wife I know I bitch about my wife to my friends all the time so where to go from here is the big question for them I know he loves her and wants her to be happy so I said talk about it try to put her first make her feel special and make time for her and you to do something alone that she likes to do where you like it or not why are women so complicated and men we are so simple we say what we mean most of the time woman don't they exept us to figure it out then get mad when we don't like earlier to day I was going over what I have wrote in the past and she said "9 year and all you have learned is that IM always right then you need to be retrained" what is that supposed to mean women are supposed to train there man to be good I don't think so any way IM out of here until next time

blowing off some steam

Well were to start today it was a long ride home it only takes about ten minutes but when your upset like I was today it seem much longer. I hate being this way up and down all the time most of the time I'M fine but here lately its been getting harder to keep my composer hell if the wind blows the wrong way I want to fall apart but I cant to many people depend on me staying somewhat normal. I know that I need meds bad but right now I don't have the money or insurance to pay for it. I don't think that I've been this low for a long time and that's what makes it even worse I have friends and family who need me to be strong yet I feel so weak. I didn't make it all the way to my vehicle after work before the tears started there I said it. I lost it and cant hold back things any longer and stuff just comes out I know I feel like such a puss when it happens but at the same time if someone said that to me it would be a fight. Hell I use to like to fight but I made a promise not to anymore so I make sure not to put my self in that kind of spot if i have to i will. I have some good friends who might under stand but I hate being manic so much that I don't tell anyone because I don't want there pitty I don't need it. I don't what I need except for meds to keep me straight. I'M so mixed up right now I don't know what to do or who to say some things to because I worry what they might think of me, like he might go postal or something like that but truth be know most of my rage is directed in wards on my self most of the time thought this might help me to get thing out off my chest but I really don't feel any better now the tears are not flowing so that's good but I still have so much to say to so many people I guess ill start with I'M SORRY I feel like I have stepped on so many toe and said the wrong this to so many people when I get down like this that ill never be able to make it right anyway. until next time later me